Mechanical

How To Find Out If People Read Your Long Emails

I had to send an email to our internal customers. Regrettably, it's both an extremely important and long email. Those tend to not get read. My email opened with this:

In our never-ending quest to annoy our customers, the PIPs team has identified a potential need for a backwards-compatible API change.[1]

See that "[1]"? Means there's a footnote. After a long, drawn-out technical explanation, I have a footnote. If they read the email, they might actually notice the footnote. This is that footnote:

1. Actually, our first plan to annoy our customers was to steal your puppies, but we quickly realized that some of your are puppyless and we'd have to spend our hard-earned cash to buy you puppies first. That would annoy *us*, hence our fall-back annoyance strategy.

I originally wrote "eat your puppies", but that would have been unprofessional.

  • Current Mood: amused amused
  • Current Music: Smoke City - Flying Away
I'm hoping you didn't cut and paste from the email you sent: "some of your are puppyless"
Reminds me of the "win a bottle whisky" footnote
A colleague of mine was writing some system documentation. Documentation which the customer had required (and deemed very important).
In a footnote (I think it was a footnote), was a text along the lines of "contact our customer support and claim a free bottle of whisky".
Customer support was never contacted about a free bottle of whisky.