Ovid (publius_ovidius) wrote,

Soul Searching

I went looking for my soul last night. I didn't find it. I'm not sure what happened to it. I'm afraid the hotel maids might not have recognized it and threw it out with the trash when they were cleaning my room.

At first I didn't realize that I was missing it, but this sort of thing sneaks up on you. Any of my friends would have noticed immediately. First of all, I was watching TV. I never watch TV. I'm not one of those people who loftily claims not to watch TV and then guiltily admits that there are one or two shows that I try and catch. I honestly do not watch the thing. I have a TV to watch movies, but I haven't turned it on in months. The fact that I'm sitting in a hotel room watching TV is a bad, bad sign.

And I was eating McDonalds. I swore off the clown meat a while ago, but they are right outside of my hotel room and they're cheap. What better accompaniment to the zombie box than this unfood? Yesterday, I was sitting at the writing desk in my room eating a Quarter Pounder. I was thinking "this stuff really isn't that bad." Then I sniffed it.

McDonalds needs to put warning labels on all of their products:

Do not Sniff!

Every time I have sniffed a McDonalds' sandwich, I get an unhealthy whiff of something. What is this thing I smell? Is this the smell of "no longer ready for prime time" beef? Or is it, as I suspect, a hint of something more foul? I am partaking of the archfiend himself. I washed down the unholy sacrament with a chocolate milkshake and tried not think about what that might symbolize. I did not sniff it.
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