Ovid (publius_ovidius) wrote,

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Vermont: Day 1

Wherein the hero is revealed to be a dumb ass

I don't look down on people who cause me to wait in airports, but I've flown enough that I know that I am not one of those people and I will confess that I find them a bit exasperating from time to time. I'm so organized when it comes to flying that I always keep a bathroom kit handy. When I need to fly, I zip it up, toss it in my bag and go.

Which is something I will never do again.

After arriving at the airport, I see plenty of short lines and one very long one. Naturally, I was stuck in the very long one -- with a full cup of coffee -- which soon disappeared only to be replaced by a full bladder of -- but I digress. After I finally get my ticket and make it to the little boy's room fighting back tears of pain, I get in the security line and await being rushed through. Didn't happen.

You see, I zipped up my bathroom kit and tossed it in my suitcase which is why I found myself very red faced and trying to explain to airport security why I was trying to sneak in a pair of scissors and a rather large pocket knife. Somehow, I must have looked innocent enough as they didn't bother to pull me aside and strip search me (or maybe I should take that as an insult), but they did offer me options on what to do with the scissors and knife. Every option which allowed me to keep them also involved missing my flight. I opted not to miss my flight and hope that next Christmas, someone will be kind enough to buy me a new Leatherman. Meanwhile, because I held up security, I held up quite a number of other people, too.

On the plane, I finish Fata Morgana by William Kotzwinkle. He is an incredibly brilliant writer that few bother to read. I don't understand why he isn't better known. After I finished with his book, I started reading a series of short stories by Kafka. He is an incredibly brilliant writer that few bother to read. Unlike Kotzwinkle, it's pretty bloody obvious why no one bothers to read Kafka. Here's a short version of his story "Judgment":

  1. Man has pen pal.
  2. Man doesn't tell pen pal much about what's happening in man's life.
  3. Man's father has pen pal who happens to be man's pen pal.
  4. Man's father tells pen pal what is really happening in Man's life.
  5. Which is nothing.
  6. Man commits suicide right before wedding.

There! Doesn't that make you want to rush out and buy Kafka? Personally, I suspect that Kafka is read because you're supposed to read Kafka. I can't imagine any other reason.

So I give up on Kafka and start reading another book (with a high-falutin' title, but I've already been pretentious enough), and realize that my connecting flight's not been called. To make a long story very short, the Washington Dulles airport was closed down due to thunder storms. Five hours later, when we finally took off, the flight was so bad that a lady to the left of me started praying. I almost joined her.

And here I am, safely in beautiful Vermont staring at project specifications so vague and roundabout that Kafka is a model of clarity. Still, it's nice to be here and the lady who sits next to me is beginning to make me drool. I'll try to stop that.

And T-Mobile doesn't have service in Burlington, Vermont. Thus, no cell phone for me :(

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