Before we start today's class, boys and girls, let's watch a short video¹. Timmy, you're the class nerd, you get to set up the projector.
Good. Now that we've done that, children, turn to the person next to you and observe them. Did they laugh? Did the chuckle? Did they roll their eyes in disgust? If so, they're mocking God. Kill them.
Only kidding! Whoops. Little Timmy didn't get the joke. We'll all miss Sally.
Class, class, pay attention! We'll just tell Sally's parents that she fell down the stairs or something.
Now, if the child next to you watched the video with rapt attention and was nodding along in agreement, now you should kill them. It would be doing a them kindness. These children are gullible and will grow up to lead pathetic lives, agreeing to any stupid thing they hear, so long as it reinforces their beliefs. (Wow. Little Timmy sure can run, can't he?)
For tomorrow's class, children, we're going to take a field trip. We're going to find the guy holding the banana and explain that God wants him to die. I'm sure he'll enjoy our little joke. Before we kill, though, we need to give him a bit of history lesson. You see, the banana the bad man was gripping so lovingly is not a "wild banana". It's a "Cavendish" banana, a banana which has been carefully bred for centuries to have the characteristics the bad man attributed to God.
In fact, the original banana was a small, finger-sized fruit with large seeds. Humans made what that guy was holding.
1. Once you see this video, you might assume that it's satire mocking typical creationist idiocy with a splash of homoerotic humor tossed in for fun. It's not. Instead, it's part of a program of half-truths and distortions cooked up to push the Christian faith.