Ovid (publius_ovidius) wrote,

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An Open Letter To The British People

Dear Brits,

Ever since I've moved over to your lovely country, I've been quite stymied by a little problem which burns in the back of my brain. You see, I don't think George Bush is evil. His actions certainly are, but he's not. Why? Because George Bush is too stupid to understand what's going on. Remember when he attended a photo op to read "My Pet Goat" to children, America was attacked and he was too stupid to realize that it was time to put the book down and get to work? He had to be told by his aides to do that. Of course, we all know plenty of other examples, but the point I want to make is that George Bush is a carefully-planted idiot designed to appeal to the anti-intellectual sentiment storming the US. I have trouble crediting him with being evil if he's too stupid to know he's a puppet.

That's not the little problem that's been bugging me, though. You see, whatever you might say about Vice President Tony Blair, this man is not stupid. I've listened to him speak. He's articulate, thoughtful, and clearly is paying attention to what's going on in the world around him. Yes, you're getting my implication. Your Vice President (hey, you guys coined that term yourself!) is evil. He knows what he's doing and he doesn't care. Personally, I doubt he thinks he's evil. I'm sure Adolf Hitler prided himself on his being a vegetarian. However, Blair's a dangerous evil because he seems like an intelligent, thoughtful, nice guy. An intelligent, thoughtful, nice guy who kills people. Maybe he didn't pull the trigger directly, but if I hire someone to kill someone else, I'm just as culpable. This is what's bothering me. Why the hell are you so complacent about this man? In the US, there's not much which can be done to end Bush's reign of (t)error. If you were to start demanding that your government representatives, er, represent you, then it should be far easier to fire Blair's incompetent ass. Or maybe you like the fact that you're rich and alive and you don't care much about dead brown people several countries away? I guess Brits and Americans have more in common that I thought.

To prove how intelligent, yet evil Blair is, let's just consider how he screwed John Prescott. Just a quick review for those following along at home:

  1. An Israeli soldier gets kidnapped by a terrorist group.
  2. Israel invades another country, bombs UN Peacekeepers, is still killing civilians, refuses to listen to the international community begging them to back away from the brink, ignores their own promises for a ceasefire and generally seems to have forgotten that they are a lighter in a powderkeg and they keep flicking the thumbwheel.

I'm not saying Israel doesn't have a right to be mad, but please, if a "Hell's Angels" biker shoves me aside to get in a bar, I don't walk over and start pushing over his and his friend's bikes. Unlike the US President, I am not a fucking moron. (A note for neo-con wannabes: I'm not saying that the kidnapping is as minor as a shove. I'm saying that just because you've been wronged doesn't mean you shouldn't think through your response. But then, if you like the neo-cons, you're probably too thick to realize that, so I have to spell it out.)

Given how volatile this situation is, how many people are dying, and how the US and UK have lost virtually all trust of Muslim communities, Tony Blair is smart enough to know this situation must be delicately handled. After a considerable degree of inaction, for which he has been roundly criticized, Blair did the only thing he could do. He went on holiday, thus cementing his new relationship with Muslims worldwide.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the man who caught the keys Blair tossed is one John Prescott, Deputy Prime Minister. MPs are revolting and demanding to be called back to parliament because someone has to do something. What's worse, these are Labour MPs, Tony Blair's own party. Mr. Prescott now has a bit of a problem. If he recalls the MPs, then that's giving the proverbial "up yours" to Mr. Blair, something many British people have been curiously apathetic about (see previous "dead brown people" comment). If he doesn't recall the MPs, further inaction will immediately take place. Meanwhile, Muslims might not know who their friends are, but they certainly know who their friend's aren't.

So regardless of how happy you may be with Blair on the domestic scene, on the International scene, he's an absolute disaster. And let's face it, you know he's just hanging on to beat Maggie's record since he wants something positive in the history books. Of course, we Americans think Britain's a great ally because Tony Blair does exactly what we tell him to do, but please, you're a hell of a lot closer to this mess than we are. When are you going to wake up and realize that bombing people into peace isn't the best strategy to mend fences? If a husband got mad at his wife, should he tell her he has to get even with her before they kissed and made up? And then should he proceed to get even with her several times over, telling her all the while that he'll "make up real soon now?" That's what Israel is doing and Tony Blair, probably lying on a beach in the Carribean wearing a wifebeater t-shirt and carrying a can of Budweiser is cheering them on. Hmm, maybe he's not so different from Bush after all.


Tags: philosophy, politics
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