Mechanical

More thieves than you can shake a nightstick at ...

My god, why would anyone want to live in the UK right now? Seems like every time we turn around there's some professional criminal organization making a huge heist. It's like the it's their most profitable industry or something.

So you've probably heard about their recent £53 million heist. That would be, what, $91 million?

And then the same company gets hit with another large robbery and since they're a security firm, I suspect business might get a bit slow for them right now.

One might think, after so much publicity about these high profile crimes, that folks are going to be a tad more cautious about leaving a few million pounds lying about. Nope. Turns out that in the latest robbery, word made it out on the street that there was a large cash shipment and one enterprising gang decided to go for it. They made off with £75 million pounds. That's about $130 million dollars. The money was just sitting in a damned van and the driver left his keys in it. Can you believe something so stupid? The thieves just hopped in and drove off with £75 million.

Everything worked out OK, though. Turns out the thieves didn't realize it was Monopoly money. What I wouldn't give to see the looks on their faces when they opened the bundles ...
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Securatas will continue to do just fine, because they have nice long government contracts, because they were until recently part of the government, who, IIRC, continues to own a majority share in them.
Heh, yeah, I saw that.

What kind of idiot band of thieves thinks "oh, they'll transport 75 million pounds in an unattended, unarmored, ungarded van"?

The cops must have been cracking up when they got the call.
Buahahahah! that is soo funny, wish they had a hidden cam for look on the crooks faces ;) * snort*
The van part sounds suspiciously like a trap. Still to funny for words though.