Ovid (publius_ovidius) wrote,


I ran three miles today. Ever since I sprained my ankle and knew I was out of the running, so to speak, for the marathon, I seem to have lost motivation. Running, instead of being a fun activity that I look forward to, has become a bit of a chore. I'm trying to turn that around now.

Since my legs have developed so much, I've been trying to work on my upper body. I've always been physically weak, so this is a first for me. My first try at push-ups was an embarrassment. I did four. It hurt. Yesterday, I managed 25. I also did 10 good reps on the ab roller and 100 bicep curls (50 per arm) with 10 pound weights. I also started working on my triceps. I did 20 tricep pulls with 20 pounds. Today, my upper body is very sore and I noticed that quite a bit during the run.

I've no idea what to expect from this. Physically, the results are rather predictable. Psychologically, they're not. When I was 19, I was studying kung fu quite regularly and was in the best shape in my life -- though I still didn't have an upper body. I did that for about two years and became moderately competent. I discovered that in learning how to fight, the desire to do so left me. As I became more confident, the guys who used to harass me stopped. A similar thing happened during my marriage. For five years, the "pressure" to meet someone was gone. As a result, I found it much easier to meet women. When my wife and I separated, I suddenly had no problem meeting women.

Today, I enter into this with no expectations other than becoming physically fit. Life is good and I've no serious problems, so I'm wondering what I will discover this time. Still, I can never quite get past the skinny bookworm who was always more interested in science than in sports and I was never, ever, a team player. When I finally started getting into physical activity, it was martial arts or biking -- solitary activities where my success or failure depended on my alone. And, of course, if I failed, I didn't take anyone down with me.

At 38 years old, I'm trying to discover what I was missing for all of those years. One person has asked me if I'd be interested in joining a dragon boat team in November. That's a bit scary. I might let others down. And they might let me down. Aside from work, I'm not used to that. There is no "I" in team but there is in "win." I do not like to lose.
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