55 reasons she is single

I have a friend who shall remain nameless. She was lamenting the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend. Then she shared her list with me. I present the list with her permission (including the subject line), without comment and under the condition that she remain anonymous. Feel free to comment away as she is rather curious to see people's reactions. Also feel free to point others to this list as she wants lots of comments.

  1. Makes me laugh
  2. Sense of style. Own sense of style, not a clone.
  3. Not a picky eater, but can appreciate fine dining.
  4. Knows how to order wine or wants to learn.
  5. Enjoys microbrews and PBR.
  6. Likes the outdoors, rainy days, walks.
  7. Surprises me with trips, picnics, daytrips - plans everything but still spontaneous.
  8. Creative type (architect, artist, musician, chef, etc.)
  9. Open-minded, no prejudices, stereotypes.
  10. Keeps porn collection to a minimum.
  11. Romantic, but not cheesy (no teddy bears, bad poems, etc.)
  12. Not too religious (knows about different religions, theories, history)
  13. Likes dinner parties, bbqs, cocktail parties, picnics, house parties. Can act appropriately in any situation.
  14. Takes good care of his pets.
  15. Not afraid of a movie with subtitles.
  16. College educated, well-read, but not pretentious.
  17. Showers regularly, doesn't stink.
  18. No kids/or an excellent father. Takes responsibility.
  19. Doesn't like Grateful Dead/Phish.
  20. No air guitar.
  21. No mustaches (unless with goatee or beard), mullets, ponytails, waxed eyebrows.
  22. Would rather play sports than video game version.
  23. Won't make fun of my guilty pleasures.
  24. Will try to enjoy my guilty pleasures.
  25. Has a nice smile, good teeth.
  26. Will let me paint his toenails.
  27. Will bring me breakfast in bed.
  28. Knows how to buy presents; won't ask me what I want.
  29. Will let me decorate the apartment/house.
  30. Takes control in the bedroom.
  31. Will spend entire day in be with me, order in food, watch movies, etc.
  32. Likes his steak medium rare.
  33. Has realistic and unrealistic goals.
  34. Has a hobby/passion (at least one)
  35. Likes to go camping, knows how to set up tent, fire, etc.
  36. Has a car.
  37. Doesn't drink and drive.
  38. Will let me get drunk and not make me feel guilty.
  39. Bad boy outside/good guy inside.
  40. House/apartment doesn't look like a college dorm/frat house.
  41. Shuts bathroom door when using bathroom.
  42. Washes hands after using bathroom.
  43. Never bring food into bathroom.
  44. No fingernail/toenail clippings in living room.
  45. Not a disgusting slob.
  46. Not a clean freak.
  47. Takes care of bills/financially stable.
  48. Not cheap but lives within his means.
  49. Knows how to fix cars or at least knows what's wrong and how much it costs to fix it.
  50. Takes out the trash.
  51. Will go to grocery store with me if asked.
  52. Doesn't like fake breasts.
  53. Doesn't constantly quote movie lines.
  54. Will hug me in public/hold hands. No groping or honking.
  55. Must like cats.
  • Current Mood: amused amused
  • Current Music: Spearhead - Skin on the Drum
My sister has this theory, where if you write down exactly what you want, the perfect person, ACCORDING TO WHAT YOU WROTE will suddenly appear. You must be careful, however, to include things like "is male" (in this case, presumably, she's going for a guy), "is single", "is not in love with my best friend", etc, etc. In any case, there's such a thing as overspecification. For example, #52 probably is inconsistent with "is male" and "is straight". Would "perfers real breasts" work ;)? In any case, you need to take what life hands you -- the world isn't a perfect place.
The perils of poor specifications

That reminds me of one of my ex-girlfriends. She told me that one time she was so fed up that she decided to ask the universe for the perfect man. He had to be single, affectionate and willing to commit. She was at work when she did this and when she got home, he was waiting for her on the front porch.

He's a beautiful orange tabby cat with the loudest purr and a tendency to drool on your shoulder when you pet him. She laughed her ass off once she realized that she forgot to specify the species.

Re: The perils of poor specifications
that reminds me of a spell that was given to me a long time ago when I still cared enough about whatever to try and do spells (I do believe this was my last one though)

basicly, you made this list (the statments couldnt include dont or isnt or anythign like that) and then did.... something to it. I dont remember.

and so I did.
it worked

I met the most awesome guy.
sparks flying.

all that.

but. I had forgotten 'is single'
and more importantly
'is staying here'
because he was MOVING to japan a few weeks later.


anyway... I think a part of your friends problem is that she is wanting someone who is massivly pussy whipped, but at the same time, dosent want someone that pussy whipped.
Re: The perils of poor specifications
Last time I made a wish for love to the universe, I forgot to specify location.

Becareful what ya wish for, you might just get it.
This list doesn't make sense. How is "Makes me laugh" is a reason to be single? I especially don't get "Sense of style. Own sense of style, not a clone." So she has no sense of style or? This list is more like a wish list for a type of guy, not a reason why she is single. If it is a wish list, it is really mundane, there are dozens of guys like this in Portland.
Ah, gotcha. I don't think she is too picky at all! Hell, I should write my own list and we can compare! Granted I'm married, so I kind of don't count. Hmn, Let me go back over that list and think on it again with a different perspective.
Not single, but.
I'm not single, but I am behooved to comment.

I'm out on the basis of #5. I find PBR repulsive.

9: I believe that a lot of people are both open-minded and perjudiced. I prejudge people based on appearance: isn't that the POINT of appearance? I also, though, peer THROUGH said appearance: I can tell if I am going to like someone very early on in meeting them. I can spot an intellectual in khaki.

30: I like to take turns, and prefer a woman to let me know when she's randy. It is probably from my past, but being shut down so often has made me damaged in this realm.

44. Sorry. :-) I'm being honest. I clip and let fly. I don't know why... maybe my vaccuum is my friend?

49: the only knowledge I have from cars is what has broken or what makes sense from what I have learned. I've been fortunate to have well-running cars, so my expertise runs thin.

52: I'm on the fence. Sometimes I can't tell. I'm a 'guy' in this regard I guess. I would definitely say they aren't a preference by any means, but a nicely shaped boob is a nicely shaped boob. (Until they stand at attention lying down.) What do I know? I don't even really care for boobs anyway...

Anyway, I'm just another human being on the planet, but I had to share my disqualifications with the world. Good luck, whoever you are.
Lucky for me, you've made my list.
1. all the time
2. again good
3. likes the same kind of food for the most part
4. it paid to be a delivery driver
5. PBR is yucky
6. you are good about this
7. you are really good about this!
8. musican, with artistic potential
9. yes
10. thank god! no more palace of porn like my ex!!!
11. again very good
12. we have great conversations about these things and usually agree with each other
13. parties yes, too much for me sometimes. Act appropiately well.... sometimes it depends
14. LOL! Yeah except your cat loves me more!
15. Extreme points here
16. You are smarter than me, which is really cool that it isn't intimidating to me
17. showers together! Fun!
18. again we agree, no crotch biscuits.
19. Eeeew.
20. LOL! Air drums?
21. Yikes, is all I have to say about that one.
22. Video games is fine, as long as it doesn't consume your world. Which it doesn't.
23. I love you for that
24. I really love you for that
25. Great smile, gives me shivers
26. LOL! You paint yours more than I paint mine!
27. Breakfast together every morning, either in bed or helping me cook.
28. Again good
29. I think when we do live together this won't be an issue, we have very similar taste.
30. Ummm.... Usually it's me. But I seem to have a higher sex drive than you... *cough*
31. if only our lives allowed. But when we were both out of work, much food, movies and other stuff (wink wink) was had. :)
32. doesn't like steak at all, huge points there
33. usually more unrealistic, but we balance each other out
34. yes and encourages me to pursue mine
35. camping was fun, doesn't have to have all the fancy gear to have a good time.
36. good, i suppose. We both usually would rather walk though
37. very good, since my dad has a history with that.
38. very very good. and takes care of me when i drink too much.
39. yeah
40. not anymore... ;)
41. i don't care about this one, I'm usually in the bathroom talking to you. Poop is no big deal to us anymore.
42. one of the few men who actually do
43. gross
44. Whatever, I clean once a week anyways. So who cares.
45. you're not
46. Not as neat as I am, or would like but not really an issue either.
47. Yes, but are looser with your money than I am
48. cheap, when you have to be. See above though
49. I know more about cars than you I think. Not that this one matters to me at all
50. Takes my trash (compost) home with you
51. We shop well together
52. Guys like boobs. No matter what. I like boobs. Thankfully you aren't into Pamela Anderson style titties. I wouldn't be able to run or lay on my stomach.
53. wow, that would be annoying
54. I like to be honked and gropped. Sometimes, I encourage that actually.
55. Again, your cat loves me more, Ha ha ha!

Galacticus, Eater of Worlds says..
yeah yeah yeah, but what is she willing to offer in return?
I mean she's got all these wants...but what's in it for him?
I have a list too, but I don't want to be too finite, I like suprizes
and if I over specialize I may miss out.
That's just me though.
I think it's a great list.

I did the same thing when I was seriously looking for a companion, though, I did have to drop some silly and unreasonable items from my own list.

I guess having finally committed to words the qualities I was seeking was my biggest help.

Oh, there's so much I could say, but this morning I lack the chutzpa to break the list down line by line. I think I used it all up by repressing my snickers, head shaking and more than once - laughter. No, seriously, no offense intended. But, that was entertaining.

The first comment that comes to mind is a truth I hold dear... "70% of what you say is for/to yourself, 30% is for the other person."

That said, this list sounds like that of a person who has held on to a lot of what irritated her about past partners (or friends, or acquaintances, or relatives, or movie characters....)

I'm seeing a lot of superficial desires that have little (if anything) to do with who that person is/will be fundamentally. And if these are things that are truly important to her, more power to her. But, finding a man who fits this list is going to be impossible - plain and simple. And don't get me wrong - I'm not flying in the face of having a dream and desiring a person whom you will really enjoy - that's very important. But, my belief is that the happier you are with yourself (on every level), the shorter and more concise these lists become.

Another thought that comes to mind is how specific she was about things that are usually peripheral in a relationship. AND it's almost all subjective "45. Not a disgusting slob. 46. Not a clean freak." Mmmmmmmmmkay.

It sounds to me like she wants someone who is a lot like herself (and NOT like people with whom she's had negative experiences), so she's detailing to death. My guess is that if she digs deep, she'll find that the nitpicking stems from fear. "Fear of what?" may be a good question for her to ponder (doesn't sound like she's to that point yet, though).

On that note, after having made(and trashed) many embarrassingly specific "wanted" lists, I've learned that the Universe will act on this, so you better be careful. Having received what I asked for on more than one occasion, I learned the hard way. Once I ditched my expectations of what is "right for me", I experienced some of the most awesome moments of my life with people who I would have passed by in an attempt to "NOT COMPROMISE!" and adhere to "the list". It was a tough lesson to learn, but so worthwhile.

My advice to this individual would be to outline her absolutes. Things that she is UNWAVERING on. And leave the rest open. It is only when we open ourselves to the scary and invigorating possibilities of the unknown that we may grow and truly experience life, unabbreviated.

If the above list (or even 1/3 of it) are her absolutes, then, none of us need say anything. Unfortunately, the odds are that time, continued unfulfillment and discontent will be her guide through this life lesson...just as it was for me.

Best of luck to her.
Well obviously her list isn't working for her... so perhaps she should make a list with only one entry:

#1 no lists.

I mean really, having a long list of criteria only limits her options. The love of her life may slip through the cracks because he doesn't meet #6. And by that same token, since she has a list, she's likely to draw into her life men who have a 'list' and she might not meet their criteria.

Then of course, when she has to put #17 on the list, it makes me wonder -where- she's meeting men. I mean seriously. Perhaps putting herself into situations where she's more likely to meet men who are her ideal: art shows, college classes, other cultural events, may work better.

I threw out my list a little while ago. So far, so good :) I'm enjoying who I am meeting, rather than worrying about where they are 'lacking'.
Everything's a resume these days
Corporate Amerika Uber Alles...even in the heart. Feh. She can take her list and stick it up her ass. Air guitar kicks ASS!!
Sounds like...
As evilmannequine put it, the ad describes someone who's massively pussy-whipped. No normal man would answer.

I *could* offer to introduce your anonymous friend to an obsessive/compulsive, sexually confused, pseudo-submissive houseboy who meets most of the criteria on her list. He keeps house immaculately, and even puts the seat down. But he has issues with his mother.

Fairie G