Mechanical

How to Make a Bad Day Worse

Bored. Bored, bored, bored.

Lying in bed in my flat, getting annoyed that the flu has gotten progressively worse.

Bored.

I got out long enough to get more drugs and a couple of new books to read and barely made it back home.

Bored.

So when I'm shut in like this, I get stir crazy. Fortunately, the standard model human comes with a built-in "Little Voice" to keep you company. This is the Little Voice which says things like "it's beer goggles, dude, you'll hate yourself in the morning," and then laughs uproariously the next day, chanting "I told you so" over and over.

Other times it will say helpful things like "if you ask her for her phone number she'll probably stab you in the left eye with a stapler and laugh while the vitreous fluid dribbles down your cheek."

That's usually followed by an awkward pause in the conversation while I try to figure if you can really stab someone with a stapler.

So today, Little Voice decided to try and help me be less bored by offering suggestions on what I could do to distract myself. Did it suggest that I do more packing for London? No. Did it suggest that I answer some email I'd been neglecting? No. It said "cut your hair".

Now it's just fucking with me.

Obviously I can't go anywhere to get my hair cut because I'm reasonably certain stylists charge extra if you vomit on them while they're trimming your bangs. No, Little Voice was honestly meaning I should cut my own hair. Of course, this is about as stupid an idea as you can get, but Little Voice said "just put your electric clippers on their max setting and rub them all over your head. It'll be fine!"

Somehow, a few minutes later, I found myself with clippers in hand. Being this bored and stir crazy leads one to do really, really stupid things.

I took the first swipe out of my hair -- no turning back now -- when the obvious problem hit me: I only own one mirror. I have no way of knowing what the back of my head is going to look like. A short while later I found myself holding my toaster behind my head for a second mirror and trying to figure out how the hell I cut my ear with safety clippers.

It took a ridiculously long time and I'm still trimming ends that I missed. I hate you, Little Voice.

Update: Due to incessant nagging from folks, I've attached two photos of the haircut. A couple of notes: first, I really am that pale right now (being ill will do that to you). Second, I hope that's just some weird reflection on the back of my head. I can't tell.





On another note, have you ever tried to take a picture of the back of your head? Easier said than done.
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Thank you for posting this. It's hard to laugh silently at work...

I laugh because I know what you're talking about, and about the silly decisions one makes when one is delerious with things like the flu, low sleep, etc.

I laugh because I want to see pictures.

Stay away from any more sharp objects until you feel better!
Careful with the trimming... that's where you really get into trouble. I once wound up nearly eyebrowless trying to even out an overexuberant tweezer incident. Also a result of being home sick.

Personal grooming and fever just don't go together.
I can't stop giggling because I think grooming badly due to a fever is a universal experience.

I still want to kill my Little Voice for my Cyndi Lauper haircut moment in high school.
"I laugh because I want to see pictures"
Oh me too ... is that cruel?

Thank you for posting this, it's made a crap day a bit better - but I DESPERATELY hope my Little Voice leaves the subject of my hair alone ... please ...

Yea that happens to me way too often
Stupid little voice
i mess it up and then end up waiting ages for it to grow out again
You know, they make medication these days for guys like you.
Pictures, please. If you're inventive enough to use a toaster as a mirror, I'm sure you can manage to get a few shots of your newly shorn head to those of us on the other side of the world.
This is just a fantastic post.

My 'Little Voice' isn't all that little, and speaks so fast that no one in their right mind could actually understand the conversation-between-five-facets-of-my-personality.
you did that yourself?
That's actually pretty good, especially for being sick with the flu! I'd just totally botch my hair with a task like that!
Get well!!
I see an even application of #2 clippers in your near future. Is that a gi you're wearing there?
Aww you actually look sick honey. Poor flu ridden you.

Secondly, tell your little voice to shut the fuck up. Cutting your own hair while enduring a fever is such a bad idea... although you've seemed to do a decent job.

Good to see you! :)
HA I have done that before. There are virtually no pictures of me from the days where I had short hair after doing it myself, only bad mental images.

I gotta say though, you did a good job. Your head looks fuzzy. XD

Actually, that's how about half of my haircuts come about. But I have multiple mirrors.

You ended up doing a good job on your hair, and your tale is even more entertaining.

By the way, no, I have never taken a picture of the back of my head. I honestly doubt that I could do it without some type of assistance.

(Anonymous)
LOL It coulda been a lot worse! It looks pretty good considering! My little voices don't ever shut up! But as your sis tears are rolling down my face as I type this!
Oh, honey, you _look_ sick. Poor thing.

and the great thing about hair? It grows back.

...but I needed to laugh like that soooo badly. Hee hee. Thanks for uncramping my brain. :)
You do look sick so I'm glad you didn't have to step out into the cold again last night. Your hair, on the other hand, looks fine!
I was expecting there to be either a big section missing from the back of your cut, or way too much. ;)
Nice cow lick!!!

I was expecting there to be grooves cut in like field rows or something. Nice to see you :-)